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My Story

My brother-in-law and I were talking about finding yourself and I told him that I recently decided to find myself so I started a blog and joined Pinterest. Funny. But true.

Here is the back story, a little about who I am and where I am now:
In 2009 I found myself four month pregnant and feeling completely hopeless. I had come to the selfish realization that I would be giving up myself completely for the baby boy in my womb. I would give up my active, slim, trim body to house his growing body. I would give up the whole ski season, rock climbing, and had already had to give up the wake boarding season. I would give up mytime to care for him. I would give up my job and career to be home with him; thus, giving up my extracurricular spending money. In my mind there was a lot I was going to be giving up and frankly, the payoff wasn’t going to be worth it. 
Then, one day I was sitting in church and I read in the bible John Chapter 15 verses 13 and 17 “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends…..These things I command you, that ye love one another.” In that instance my whole body filled with the deepest love for the little being growing in me. If Christ commands that we love one another and the greatest love that I can give is to give my life for my baby then I would try my best to do that.
In 2010 I was blessed to welcome that baby boy into my arms and man, I just love that kid. 
 
Two years later we welcomed our daughter Andie into our lives. I love both of my children so fully that some days I am just amazed that this frail human body of mine has the ability to feel so much. Yet with all the good experiences and feelings have come equally bad experiences and feelings.
Photo Courtesy of L. Montgomery Studios

My body was/is physically messed up from giving birth. There was depression so deep that I didn’t want to get up in the morning, there were emotional roller coasters wreaking havoc on my marriage. And yes there was even moments of resentment. While I love being a mom and feel so much reward from being with my children it doesn’t always make it easy.

Over the past three years I feel that I have lost a little bit of who I am in being a mom. It wasn’t always a constant thing, there were moments of Heather peeking through, but somehow I just couldn’t find the right balance.

It is so silly to me that I gave up on being myself to be a mom. No one asked me to, and in fact things would probably have been a little easier, and a heck of a lot more fun, for the past three years had I not.
 

Now we’re up to the present. I’m a 26 year-old fly mamma of a toddler and a new baby, who doesn’t feel that she knows quite who she is any more. A mama who wants to try harder every day to be a better person, more involved, more seeking, more happy. A mama who is feeling mentally healthy and well, who loves her children more than life and wants to do all in her power to bring them the most amazing life they can get.
Have any of you ever felt lost as you entered new phases in life? Please share.  

* UPDATE. I just want to clear up any possible misconceptions about what I have written and what this “quest” if you will, is all about. I am a happy person and I am really happy with my life. I do know I am a pretty good person and a pretty good mom but there is always room for improvement and change. Just because I am generally satisfied with my life, every aspect of my life and every day lived in my life isn’t puppies and rainbows. Being a mother is important and I am grateful for the opportunity I have to be a part of my children’s lives. This quest to “find myself” is not about some downer pity party about me not having enough “time, money, mental capacity, etc” to partake in my own hobbies; it is about my change and growth and finding what really makes me happy in all facets of our life, emotional, social, physical, tactile and cultural. And I want to find the best way to integrate who I am into our family, to show my children the value of motherhood and individuality within a family. 

Anyway thanks everyone for reading! And thank you for all of the wonderful comments. I love to hear from you. I just don’t want anyone to worry that you need to talk me off of any ledges or anything, I am ‘aight. But your loving encouraging comments are always welcome. 

9 thoughts on “My Story

  1. St. John, Jacque, Camilla

    Oh my, I was just telling my husband today that I feel lost and all consumed by motherhood. I just hope that by losing ourselves we can find ourselves. Motherhood is a sacrifice in just about every way. Yes it is worth it, it is what we were born to do, but some days you just want to throw in the towel.

    Reply
  2. If only every couple were this cute!

    You’ve always impressed me in your maturity. You will find your way, you’ll remember who you are, you will become the woman God had destined you to be. You are already on the right path striving to become better and seeking the Lord’s help. Just remember as we strive to become better we need to remember that we are still good people…we just want to develop toward our potential. What helps me get through the hard times is a quote I always hated my mom saying, but it’s true. ‘This too shall pass” it has gotten me through some hard times and prevented me from some bad choices. Painful situations, feeling horrible, feeling lost or hopeless…those feelings will pass. Also to remember… ‘One day at a time” it takes the pressure off! There is always light through the darkness. I love you heather, we bacame friends so quickly because of the awesome person you are! Easy going, fun loving, kind, and funny. Motherhood sometimes blurrs who we are, but we are in there :-). You’ll find your way. I am excites for your blog. It is a great idea! You and your family are beautiful!

    Reply
    1. Heather Conger

      Naomi! Oh my heck! Thank you so much for reading! And thank you for the wonderful comment and terrific advice. Dang girl, wow, working at maintenance shed seems eons away. Good times man good times. Wow I need to go FB stalk you now and see what the heck you have been up to lately, (I have been totally checking up on you here and there anyway).

      Reply
    2. If only every couple were this cute!

      Lol, I was totally thinking I wished we lived closer! We would have a blast together with our kids (you with 2 and me with 1). Maintenance days was sooo long ago..then what happened? U got married or so something? Where r u living now? I miss “oh my heck” too, lol!

      Reply
  3. Anna

    Motherhood IS a more than full time job. More than being the care providers, we must be the examples in all that we do. Even our reactions to the little things in life (spilling milk, wetting the bed, breaking things, writing on the walls,etc.) teach our children what is appropriate behavior. With that presure to be “perfect” who wouldn’t feel overwhelmed all the time! All that you are sharing here tells me you’re human and a good mommy. Plus, I’ve been told that with young kids, it is hard to be yourself since they need constant care and attention. But as they get older and more self sufficent, you can start re-introducing those “me” things more and more. So hang in there for your little ones! They will thank you when they’re older…. probably not till they’re A LOT older, but they will!

    Elder Uchtdorf’s new conference talk about choosing to dwell in the light and not the darkness is also marvelous. Love you! You are one fly mamma!

    Reply
    1. Heather Conger

      Anna! Anna! I think of you every winter as we make snowflakes. I totally respect and honor you and know you must be a terrific mother! Ah I wish I lived nearer to you. Thank you for your comment, you are so awesome! And yes I did love Elder Uchtdorf’s latest talk too. Ah man I am so happy we are friends.

      Reply

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