Monthly Archives: October 2014

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When Children Sleep

Dude, I love my kids. But being a mom is so tiring! My newlywed sister in-law and brother in-law were asked to baby sit some friends kids for four days. My sis has zero kids, our friends have six! Please read the following texts sent on different days:

“How the crap do you parents do all this stuff? I’ve been up since 6:40 and even though they are literally the easiest kids I’ve ever met, I’m exhausted. Lol”

“Dude for reals….I feel like I’m blown away by mothers right now, haha. I have mondo respect for you man. So crazy.”

Yeah I know, we do deserve “mondo respect.” What we do is freaking hard EVERY SINGLE DAY. I know so many women who hold this mantle of motherhood much more gracefully than I do but even with my mantle swaying and wobbling I am still holding on, mostly.

But I do have to admit, I live for the naps guys. Nap time is awesome! Bed time is awesome!

My kids are car sleepers and I love it! We get in the car, they do this:

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Then mam pops on her NPR podcasts, yep I am that cool.

However napping in the car goes awfully awry when you get home late from a fiesta and go to pull the little one out of the car and you end up picking this sleeping beauty up.

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Laughing Kyle says, “I swear I only gave her one tiny piece of chocolate.” riiiiight.

I don’t know how she made a mess that huge with one piece of chocolate but it was pretty funny. Still though I really love my kids when they are sleeping, messes or not.

Sitting on the Bench: Thoughts on Suicide Prevention

After one particularly hard day about a year ago I tucked the children into their beds, and then went to my room completely out of energy. I had nothing left to give to that day. I climbed into my bed at 8:30 and then my world collapsed around me. I began to think about how hard motherhood was, how I was inadequate in many ways and how sick I was of feeling as though life was so hard to deal with. I pulled my knees to my chest in the fetal position and began to sob. I prayed that God would just let me die. My mantra became ” I just want to die. I just want to die.” I thought, “If I just don’t wake up I could finally be at peace.”

My husband was at work and I sent him a heartbreaking message telling him how I couldn’t do it anymore, how hard my life was and how I just didn’t want to exist any more. He was shocked, I don’t think he quite knew how to respond. I imagine that many people do not know how to respond to a situation like that. It must be hard thinking you are trying your best to build a happy family life and yet your spouse simply wishes they didn’t have to live another day. Kyle assured me of his love for me, and reminded me that I can do hard things. He also encouraged me to go see a doctor and counselor, which was all I wanted, I had many days where I just though “I wish someone would take my hand and make a doctor appointment for me, and help me fix what I am unable to fix.”

I am not alone in these feelings, many people suffering from depression have thoughts of suicide on a regular basis, or at least think about the release of death. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints just released a Mormon Message this week titled “Sitting on the Bench: Thoughts on Suicide Prevention.”

This is an honest film about suicide and I feel so grateful that depression is becoming an open subject.

Sitting on a Bench: Thoughts on Suicide Prevention

That week, a year ago, I got an appointment with my doctor, to begin antidepressants and scheduled an appointment with a therapist. It is miraculous for me to feel now, only one year later, that I am recovering from depression. I do have bad days, a similar episode happened only one month ago, so things aren’t perfect but I know there are people who love me and people who support me and rely on me and my life here is valuable.

My hope is that we may all try our best to be a little more compassionate, a little more understanding and little more free with our love and kindness towards others, because you may never know who needs your help.

* I do need to mention that my mother in-law was my angle through this whole time. She was there to tend for my kids when I simply could not do it. She was there for me to cry to when things were too hard. I will always feel supremely indebted to her for her efforts in helping my and my children make it through my toughest of times.

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Beginning the Fall Festival

I am largely the least celebratory person I know. Which is super weird because I love planning parties and what not, but when it comes to me and mine I have been very low-key. While I still plan to keep life simple I also want to begin to bring a flow of the year into my children’s lives.

Part of that flow is recognizing yearly milestones; holidays, birthdays and seasons. We have made a plan to celebrate each season by enjoying it’s unique characteristics.

Autumn time is a wonderful time to help children live the colors, red, yellow and brown.

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Children enjoy the scents of Fall through daily outdoor activity, picking fresh apples and pumpkins. Through cooking they come to appreciate the pungent spices of cinnamon, thyme, sage, clove and nutmeg, in conjunction with the wonderful Fall produce.

By spending a large part of each day outside, regardless of the temperature, children will come to appreciate the crisp autumn breeze and the refreshing Fall drizzles.

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By bringing the outdoors inside, through pumpkins, gourds, corn cobs and leaves to play with and decorate they will have tactile connection to the signatures of autumn time.

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Living here in Central Pennsylvania we have a mecca of farms, which means a bounty of affordable seasonal produce. Just around the bend from me is a family-run farm where I buy my pumpkins and squashes. The children and I have spent a couple of mornings here already this year. One to gather small pumpkins for our table center piece (which is also a great play thing while they wait for meals) and some small bales of hay for the their figurines and toys to explore and build with. The other was to choose pumpkins for painting to decorate our door step.

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I love this little stand, it is all pay on your honor (actually a few farms I love run on that system), it all feels so quaint and personal.

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After we have sufficiently decorated our home in honor of the Fall season we will then plan and cook some wonderful dishes to have on a special evening with all our family to reach a climax of Fall celebration with our own family Fall Festival.

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Welcome to the New Site!

Welcome to the new site I am so excited to be sharing this new project with all of you! I have been working on this new site for a while now, even with that said, I still have a lot of work to do with it; so don’t be weirded out if things are changing for a while until I find the perfect fit.

Even more important than the new site and the new look is the new focus. I have had a life changing year, I have had a change of heart and mind set, all of which have lead me in search of what I call “The Beautiful Life.” I am thrilled to be sharing with all of you as I build my beautiful life and hope you find some inspiration to make your life more beautiful too.

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If you are new to the site visit my About Me page.

Thank you for stopping in, visit often!