Monthly Archives: August 2013

What Makes Me Laugh

Every time I read this I bust up laughing. Hopefully it makes you laugh too.

How to Prepare for Nursing

Forget that old advice about “gently rubbing your nipples with a towel.” If you really want to feel ready to breastfeed, here’s what to do.
Day 1: Gently rub your nipples with sandpaper.
Day 2: At bedtime, set your alarm clock to go off every two hours. Each time it rings, spend 20 minutes sitting in a rocking chair with your nipples clamped in a pair of chip clips.
Day 3: Draw branching lines all over your chest with a blue-green marker, then stand in front of your bathroom mirror and sing“I Feel Pretty.”
Day 4: Open your already-crowded freezer and make room for five dozen plastic milk bags.
Day 5: Fit the hose of a vacuum cleaner over one breast and set on “medium pile.” Turn off vacuum when nipple is three inches long. Switch breasts.
Day 6: Obtain “DO NOT CROSS” tape from your local police station, then wrap firmly around your chest. When your spouse asks about it, say, “Get used to it.”
Day 7: Tape a water balloon to each breast and squeeze into a maternity bra. Repeatedly hook and unhook the nursing flaps with one hand while using the other to balance a sack of squirming puppies.
Day 8: Dine in the fanciest, snootiest restaurant you can afford, making sure to arrive with a big wet spot directly over each nipple.
Day 9: Record your mother proclaiming, “Just give the baby some cereal like God intended, and she’ll sleep right through the night.” Play in an endless loop at 1 A.M., 3 A.M., and 5 A.M.
Day 10: Slather your breasts with peanut butter, top with birdseed, and stand very still in your backyard.
Day 11: Go someplace public — a museum, a courthouse, the steps of your office building — and stuff a lifelike baby doll under your shirt. Use the doll’s arm to suddenly hike the shirt up past your collar bone. Lower shirt. Feign nonchalant smile.
Day 12: Suckle a wolverine. Congratulations! You are now ready to nurse a baby. Maybe.

Melissa Balmain, a freelance writer living in Blacksburg, Virginia, is a two-baby nursing veteran.
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Pinspiration to Realization

Found this picture on Pinterest a while ago and I really liked the look. So I have been keeping my eyes peeled while shopping and finally got all of the pieces for my replica. Skirt $7 Gabriel Brothers (like Ross but cheaper), shirt $6 (same), belt fiddy cent (thrift store), just old shoes. I was really happy with the end result.

 Left was the Pinspiration and right was my realization

School is in Session

Alrighty summer break is over peeps time to get serious about this mommy business.
Long silence
Huge laugh
Ok that was just my way of saying thanks for enduring my vacation wrap up, all that probably should have just gone on my personal blog but I thought I owed you some evidence of my whereabouts during my blogging hiatus.

So now we are back on our game, get ready for stories of success, failure and laughter, confessions, fashion and thrifty finds. Hope you all got your wee ones out to school with no hiccups. We enrolled our Kacer in pre-school. I am so happy for him to go to school to help him developmentally, and socially, and with his speech, blah, blah, blah…really I am sooooo excited for four hours a week with just me and Andie Bear. That seems like and awful thing to feel or say but, eh. Kace rocks, and I spend loads of time with him and this little break will be the bomb. Alrighty check back tomorrow.

And because I have no applicable pictures, here are some pics of my kids throwing fits, haha, it happens way too often.


Maine Picture Palooza

Here is the last of my vacation pictures for this summer.

After arriving home from Utah I had a couple of days home then we jumped in the car one more time to head up to Maine to see my parents.

Since I can’t remember what day we did what, here is the Maine Picture Paloooza!

Penobscot Narrows Bridge & Observatory Tower/Fort Knox Historic Site

Andie, Kace, Cousin Em

Fort Knox

Me and my sis K’Leena and her darling Kendra, oh and my daddy-o’s profile 😉

My handsome man in the living quarters of the Fort

 Acadia National Park
AKA the most beautiful place on the East Coast
My mom with the kids at Sand Beach

Kace has a habit of joining other families, here is the Asian version of Kacen Utopia

View of Sand Beach from Otter Cliffs

The fam at Otter Cliffs

Top of Cadillac Mountain

Serious! That such a beautiful thing.

 Bangor Maine
Downtown Bangor
 Lighthouse Adventures
Lighthouse at the end of a one mile long jetty.

Me atop said lighthouse with the nice shirtless gentleman that instead of moving out of my shot said, “Oh hey hun quick turn and smile let’s get in her photo.” Who does that? Oh wait, I would TOTALLY do that.

The whole happy adventurous clan. And Kacen creating his signature awkward family photo, jk.

Ky at a different lighthouse

Searching tidal pools at another beautiful Maine beach

Not sure what sort of caption highlights this sign correctly.

We took those babies all the way home to PA and made the most delicious lobster bisque!
The man who sold us our “labsta” that he got fresh from the “habbah” that morning.
 Just out and about
Andie at the college agriculture farm. Is that redundant?

 In addition to these things we went to many parks for play time, a children’s museum and an art museum. It was so wonderful to see this beautiful state with my family. I love my parents and my sister so much it is always a great time with them around. But what I  loved most was having Ky with  me! Vacation is so much more fun together and he takes soooo many wonderful pictures.


Vacation Days 15-23

Preface- I should have added this on the first post about my vacation but I will have to add it later, anyway, to all of my family and friends that I got to visit, sorry if I didn’t put up a picture of you, I love you all very much but wanted to minimize on personal photos here. And also sorry if I was anything less than personable during out visits, going on a trip sans the hubs is super difficult for me, I lack the patients for single parenting. But seriously I was so happy see to every single one of you, I love you all and I am grateful for your love on me and my kids, they needed it cuz I probably wasn’t the nicest mom all of the time (insert super crazy face). Ok back to the excitement.

Day 15-Drive to Utah

I left my beloved Idaho and my family to drive to Cherry Hill Water Park in Utah. We met up with Ky’s family for a two day reunion. I love the Storey clan, like so much. I am so grateful for the family I married into, they are all so wonderful and have completely opened their hearts to me and our children. Kace closed down the entire park because he wanted to go on a solo ride in the lazy river with his little floaty.

Day 16- Drive to Bear Lake UT
Spend the day at the lake wave running, sand castle building, swimming, eating, playing water frisbee football, changing nasty poopy waterlogged baby diapers, you know the regular.

Day 17- Morgan Utah
We spent the night with Ky’s wonderful grandparents, I love them both so much! We went to Church and hung out with our friend Kendall and the family. Andie Bear got super sick. Stop reading if you don’t want the details but she had major vomit and diahrea. 

(haha total awkward family photo moments)
Day 18- Ogden Utah, Logan Utah
Oh man I got to go to visit the Flowrider in Ogden. I used to work there and loved every minute of it, and pretty much go hooked. I did a 7-20 on my last go and I was pumped. We also went to the Burger Bar in Clearfield and went to visit Ky’s great aunt Bonnie. Got Farrs Ice cream then drove to Logan UT. The family went out to play while I stayed in the hotel with Andie and that little cutie pooped all over bathroom while I was getting a tub ready for her, yeah it was cool. 

Day 19- Logan Utah
Weeellll gorey detail, I woke up sick like Andie was. But that day we were scheduled to go to Ky’s unlce’s to use his mega swing and rock climb. I totally had to try this swing because I was there and it was there, but it was sort of a bad idea because once I was like 20 feet in the air with 2 G’s of force pulling on my intestines, well I nearly pooped my pants, it was seriously so funny. And even though I felt soooo sick I did manage to do one climbing route. Later we drove to Morgan to say goodbye to grandma and grandpa and then drive to South Jordan UT

 (right before I let out a huge fart and yelled “I’m gonna poop my pants!” Then I was laughing and trying to hold it all in, it was a close call I tell ya.

Day 20- South Jordan Utah
Sick sick sick, no fluids in and just lots of fluids out. It was the 24th of July and I did no celebrating.
Day 21- Drive to Iowa
Sick, thought I was going to die. I wrote the following  text to  my sister, seriously thought this was going to be last thing I ever wrote to anyone,

“Sorry I can’t call back, can’t talk soooo sick, throw up, diarrhea, three days. Need doc or hospital but on drive home sooo sick. You can tell everyone. I need prayers.”

I obviously didn’t have time to spell out “doctor” or “family” or add in other words but I sure could make sooooo take up a whole line. 

Day 22- drive home
I was finally about myself enough to write back to my sister, “Sorry for the ominous text earlier I’m feeling well for now.” On the way home my brother-in-law stopped at some sketchy gas station in the ghetto of Cleavland, in our haste to get away he forgot to remove the gas pump and pulled it off the magnetic hold, then when he went to fix it he got hit up by a lady for some money. It was super intense.
(random rest stop where my bro-in-law did skate tricks at like 3 in the morning)
Day 23- Arrive home early morning, and my husband took over the kids while I slept for a bit!

Vacation Days 8-14

Day 8- Provo Utah

I didn’t mention it, but in Provo I stayed with my aunt and uncle, and man was it so good to get into the arms of family. It is a wonderful feeling to know you are welcomed and loved and they were so sweet with my children too. In Provo I went to visit with my oldest friend Abigail and her parents, we have known each other since my 5th birthday. Later I drove to St. George Utah with my cousin Libby in tow to visit my grandparents. And would you believe it? On the way we saw a rest stop that had a petting zoo….with a ZEBRA!

Day 9- St. George Utah
We took the morning to go visit my college friends Alisha and Braeden and their sweet baby at the St. George splash park, by the way if you live down there and haven’t been you are missing out, it is pretty cool.
Day 10- St. George Utah
Church and relaxation, just what a Sunday should be, well I suppose it should also be study and service and good food. We played cards with my grandparents and did our best to entertain the kids.

Day 11- Drive back to Provo
My cousins were sort of scared at our departure because I was a hysteric mess at leaving my grandparents. I love my Grandma and Grandpa so much and not knowing when I get to see them next makes my heart break. Because I was feeling so sad at leaving my family I made a quick decision to take a trip up to Idaho as well. Originally this was out of the plan because it is so much driving but emotion won over logic. I also saw Abigail again and her dad made me orange rolls which Abi delivered to my aunts house where I was staying. I love the Clarks!

Day 12- Drive to St. Anthony Idaho
My trip to Idaho had two pit stops, one to see my brother Jake and his family, the other to see my college roommate Steph and her two boys.

Day 13- St. Anthony Idaho
Oh just your typical day on the farm falling trees, dropping fence, picking strawberries, seeing the horses and cows, feeding a large family.And it was so wonderful to spend time with awesome aunt Katrina and her amazing five kids!

Day 14- St. Anthony and Rexburg Idaho
We went to meet up with another friend I met in college, Brittany, she had her son only 3 days after I had Kacen so they are each others longest friend. We let the kids play at the splash park in Rexburg and got to catch up a bit. My aunt and I picked 2 gallons of strawberries, the kids got to ride horses and Kacen became a huge fan of horses. He also got some great snuggle time with his cousin Lee.

I absolutely love all of my cousins, I didn’t have a picture with all of them in there but man I have great cousins, especially miss Eva, who we picked up in St. George and who went with me to Idaho, she was such a great help with my kids.


Where Have You Been? Days 1-7

I’m baaaaack! Wow I am sorry to drop off the face of the planet like that back there. I totally had a post written about how I was going on vacation then thought, “Wait don’t all rational things tell you not to post online when you are leaving for vacay?” Soooo, yeah and I am all  new to the serious blog writer thang, and did not prepare enough in advanced to have posts ready to shoot out. There you have it. It is nice to be up front and honest with you all.

So I bet your wondering, “Heather, where have you been?” Or more likely you probably didn’t even notice my absence with your busy summer schedule. But anyway.

I have been living this summer up and doing some things that just make my heart sing. So today you will get days 1-7 of four weeks of vacation.

Day 1- Drive to Iowa 
We went to spend time with my brother and sister in-law and their cutie girls
Day 2- Farmers market and Birthday party, Iowa
Oh man it was so hot, and that is a huge farmers market. After the market my nieces had their 5th birthday party! I remember seeing these girls the day they were born and crying because of how wonderful they were.
Day 3- Church Iowa
These girls are really such great cousins to Kace and Andie!
Day 4- Drive to South Dakota
Ooooh gotta love roadside attractions. The city of Wall Drug advertizes every mile for 100 miles and this was their best attraction, GIANT DINO!
Day 5- Crazy Horse Monument, Mt. Rushmore Monument, South Dakota
Don’t let the pictures fool you, the whole of Mt. Rushmore can fit in the head of Crazy Horse. And the story behind Crazy Horse is more thought evoking and moving. But their both pretty cool to see.

Day 6- Drive to Utah
On our way we stumbled upon Independence Rock. My powerhouse of a mother-in-law hiked up in the blistering heat. I loved arriving in Utah and seeing familiar things, so good to be back.
Day 7- South Jordan, Utah 
I dropped off my mother and sister-in-law in South Jordan and headed out for some adventure. First stop, to see my closest friends from high school, Tami and Jessi. While there Kace got a stick stuck up his nose. After a trip to the instacare, which by the way, if you ever happen to have a small stick go up your child’s nose, if you can’t see it the kid probably just swallowed it (save your $25) unless days later you start to see a lot of green mucus then take them to an ENT to have it extracted because it is further up in the nasal cavity (not in the sinuses, things don’t get stuck in there except bacteria, that’s what the doc said anyway). ‘Aight, after that we headed to Provo and stopped to get a dozen Krispy Kreme, oh man make me happy. My cousin and I put down 12 together.
 (Not the best pic out there sorry, but these are wonderful women, I am so happy to know them and so happy to have life long friends)

Tune in tomorrow for the next installment.