When Jonah was called of God to cry repentance to the city of Nineveh he did not stoically respond and willingly journey 500 miles East, through a land infested with blood hungry Assyrians, to what he knew he ought to. No. Instead he boarded a boat to run 2,000 miles in the opposite direction. Sometimes as a mom I sure don’t feel like doing what I know I ought to. Sometimes I just wanna run away. Last week I had one of those moments.
I was loaded with both kids in the car heading towards a play date. Why couldn’t Kacen just get over this fixation for a stupid pancake and stop freaking out?
My day actually started much earlier than this, it started at 2:00 a.m. with Andie waking up, and because I was so uncomfortable from her not eating her evening meal I nursed her, totally off schedule. She then woke again at 5:00 a.m. and would not fall asleep not matter how much rocking, soothing or singing I did. So…..I fed her. Again. Hoping she would be pacified and go back to sleep. Nope, not a chance. We rocked for about 30 minutes then I had to get the most rest I could sitting in the rocker. Finally at 7:00 a.m. I threw in the towel and just went to my bed. As soon as we laid down she shot up with a smile on her face ready to start the day. I groaned and wanted to go back to sleep.
We had a really fun day planned, a play date with friends, a trip to the library and of course outside time. However, as soon as I was gathering things up to head out of the house Kacen became insistent that he needed a pancake. Really? We had just eaten breakfast plus I was going to stop and get pastries for a snack for our play date. Bottom line I was not about to whip up a pancake like some short order chef. Instead of trying to find some compromise or trying to gently explain to him the situation I scooped him up and dragged him to the car.
Then the screaming began. I go nuts on limited sleep, poor Kace. The screaming was starting to make me twitch, I really was going to loose it. Whoops yep just lost it. Like some psychopath had taken over I was screaming just like Kacen in a stupid twisted attempt to prove how unbearable it was. He didn’t care. So then being real mature I pulled the car over took him out of his seat and told him, “Then walk home and go cook a pancake.” (Haha those of you who know me are totally judging right now, that’s ‘aight, it is the truth, sometimes I do stupid things like this). But man, he was so sad, the poor thing. He turned around and just walked into my legs sobbing. I picked up my little man and just hugged him there in the road. Things were made up for and he got back in his seat.
Ahh here comes the screaming again. I had to stand outside of the car and through the window explain to Kacen that I could not get back in that car if he was screaming. He quieted down for a bit and things went relatively well that morning…until nap time.
In my sleep deprived state I just needed both kids to take their scheduled naps. A mountain of dishes was ready to be climbed and aching feet were looking for rest. Kacen, on the other hand, had other plans, toys were colliding, he was screaming and I, being the genius I am, forgot to turn off the monitor receiver in our room connecting to his room so little miss Andie fast asleep got rudely awakened by his playing. Really, this time I was going to loose it. After reprimanding Kace with stern talking too, much finger pointing and lots of “No screaming Kacen, no no no,” I rocked Andie back to sleep. Begrudgingly I made it mostly through the dishes, leaving three baking sheets to wait until tomorrow, finally I laid on the couch ready pass out.
But little Kacer-roo just kept screaming! Kyle finally got home and I was a basket case, I picked up my keys and left.
Yeah just like Jonah I ran far away from the task at hand and what really needed my help.
But I didn’t make it further than the car in the driveway because as soon as I sat down I just opened the windows set back the seat and fell asleep. The sort of wonderful sleep where you feel like real life doesn’t even exist, like you can just sleep all day long without a worry. I think I finally stumbled back into the house around 6:00 p.m.
Wearily dinner was made, the family fed and children readied for bed. The usual bedtime routine went well and I figured both kids were down for the night.
Ky was sleeping on the couch, I was blogging, of course, and Kacen was up in his room screaming
Apparently someone did finally take a nap and was allowed to sleep until 5:45 p.m. What a train wreck of a day. But the beautiful thing about a day is that it ends, and tomorrow is always a new one.
Days like this aren’t all for naught if you take the opportunity to learn from it. Unlike Jonah I don’t ever sit at the end of the day wishing that I had died rather than help my kids, so that is good. Even in the mist of the whole debacle I took time to reflect, with the help my loving sister, and decided that my reactions to Kacen’s fits weren’t working so time to change. Upon reflection, if I would have simply got on knees and gave Kace a hug before heading out the door, telling him, “Mommy can’t make a pancake right now, but how about we grab you a cracker and go play with friends?” it may have all turned out a little different. Maybe. And luckily bad days come and go and most of my days end pretty darn good with these two kiddos.